Hello, yes it’s me you’re looking for

Hi I’m Jen. If you’re reading this you’re likely one of my friends, a member of my family or you’re just a kick ass person who wants to read all about a super interesting, tragic-yet funny life. Not to imply that my family and friends are not kick ass people. I tend to think very highly of most of my friends, past and present, and my family (sorry, but you know who you are, and you’re an asshole-but if you buy my book I will absolutely make sure I won’t sign it ‘To: Asshole’, even though I’ll want to, I’ll sign it with your given name and collect my shitty 10% because that’s all writers get these days from actual paper books, and who invited you to my book launch anyway – where the hell is my agent?!). Anyway, until that all happens, please enjoy this blog. Share it, like it, and comment on it. Please, don’t make me ask if they are hiring at this Coffee Culture I’m sitting in because no one gives a shit about the trials and tribulations of my life? I am putting myself out there. And that’s a lot of self. Literally and figuratively. And before you say stop starting sentences with ‘And’ and feel the need to correct my grammar and/or punctuation, or stop with the self deprecation, I will confidently tell you now, that this is what I do. And if it’s not your slice of pie (because who wants tea, pie is better – am I right??) then please go check out Lauren Conrad’s blog. I’m sure she loves her self plenty, on her perfectly and professionally edited blog. Jesus, I love her! She will teach you how to design your life LC style with mason jars, loose messy buns, and home made lollipops. That chick is hella successful. She’s pretty much the epitome of all that I idolized as a child (and also as a 38-year-old woman; don’t you dare judge me) – living in Laguna in her parents’ big beautiful house, nestled on a cliff, fully equip with a pool a hot tub (and hi, Stephen Colleti) overlooking the pacific. She’s also fucking gorgeous, has a killer bod, great hair, and golden tan skin. Not to mention the fact that she drives off into the sunset in her Mercedes convertible, to continue her lovely life in fashion school, with Natasha Beddingfield’s Unwritten as her soundtrack. Dude, I’ve always wanted to have a soundtrack playing in the background as I go through life. Madonna, New Kids On the Block, Depeche Mode and Coldplay would be my go-to’s.

I, on the other hand will show you how to gain and lose 170 pounds in eighteen months by eating crispy minis and drinking vodka for dinner. You’re welcome.
Welcome readers, to Little Big Girl, the blog.
P.S I have no clue what I am actually doing. But, enjoy!
P.P.S Lauren, I’d now appreciate a shout out. And a million dollars. Thanks, love ya. xo

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